Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
