Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
