if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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