I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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