I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
