Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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