A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
