Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
