and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
