I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
