this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
