Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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