I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize