Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
