East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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