my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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