the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
