Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
