When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
