I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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