She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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