I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
