he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
