my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
