If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Randomize
