I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
