she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
