One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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