I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
