We're facebook friends in real life
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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