If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
