im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
