totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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