They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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