12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
