Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
