So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
