She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
