Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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