Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
