Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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