Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
