As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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