Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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