You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
