Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
