yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize