i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
