Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
