Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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