So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
