Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
