so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
