he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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