why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
