I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im six kinds of drunk right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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