Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
