nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
