True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
