And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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