There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
