Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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