a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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