I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
