Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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