there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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